Rooftop Thoughts
by Lemmy
Summary: Spike is in LA, brought back after the battle with the first. He thinks about Buffy *Season Seven Finale Spoilers*


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AN: This came to me after listening to the song My Immortal by Evanescence and thinking about Spike coming back on Angel, hope you like and please review.

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I stood atop the roof of the Wolfram and Hart office, my trademark coat billowing out behind me in the wind. My eyes were closed, I was seeing things that I was glad no one else could. I smiled and laughed, but finally began to cry, I opened my eyes and looked at the city that was my new home, I knew deep down inside myself that I didn't belong here, I belonged by her side, fighting the good fight. 

Even though I was fighting the good fight here in LA, it still didn't feel right, now with her not knowing. I wonder if she'd be happy, if she'd smile after hearing the news, that I was alive, or as alive as I had been being a vampire

As tears stream down my face, I wish I hadn't told her she didn't love me, I saw the truth in her eyes, her walls had crumbled, she had finally let me in, but it was too late, I knew that my soul would be the end of me, I knew I was going to die in the Hellmouth that day, many months ago.

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"I love you"

"No you don't...but thanks for saying it"

I clenched my fists, angry at myself for my stupidity, all I wanted and I had it at that moment, I rejected her, the pain on her face was enough to make me want my fate, but at that moment I didn't know I was going to be brought back for a greater purpose, like Angel. 

He told me the powers that be seemed to have a liking for Vampires with souls, I was to fight the good fight along side him, with my pain and my past behind me. He told me I had to forget about her.

Nothing had made me more angry then hearing him say those words, he hadn't forgotten about her, yet he was telling me to forget her, to not see her smiling face in my dreams at night, to not think about her smile, her laugh, her voice. He wanted me to forget, 'It helps, makes sure you're not distracted he said'

I could never forget, distraction or no distraction, she was what kept me going each day, the thought of telling her I was back is what made me stay in LA, to help the big poof with his new business.

Selfish prat he is, making people pay him for saving their lives. She wouldn't have allowed that, even though I heard that Anya had given her the idea.

This thought made me laugh, I missed her, and Little Bit, and Red, even Xander and Andrew, all of the scoobies, hell I was a scooby come to think of it, I saved their lives enough and they saved mine.

I turned and walked back into the building, my new home, and workplace, my tears gone for now. I slowly walked down the steps, hearing a conversation going on between the poof and what could be a client, but when I recogonized the voice, I took in a unneeded breath.

"So, new business huh?"

"You can't be here Buffy"

"Why not? Is it because of the girls? Not my fault and we just need a place to stay for the night"

I could see Angel trying to work up an excuse in his mind, it was taking all of my self control not to run down the stairs and take her in my arms, kiss her lips.

I wished I could show myself, I could but I wouldn't know what to say, from my location, I saw Willow, Xander, Dawn, the girls, Faith, Giles, The poofter principal and Andrew, Anya wasn't there.

I wondered what had happened, I needed to know and I needed her to know about me

"Come one Nancy Boy, they need someplace to stay"

I descended down the stairs, my eyes making contact with hers.

"Spike," she gasped, "I thought...Sunnydale...?"

I walked over to her and put a finger up to her lips to silence her, "It's a long story pet"

"And if you and yours are as tired as you said you were, I can show you to some rooms" said Angel, leading the girls, Andrew, Faith and Robin.

I faced Buffy, Xander, Willow, Dawn and Giles.

"What happened?" asked Buffy.

I could see hints of tears in her eyes, like she was trying to hold them back.

"The good old Powers that Be thought it be best if I was around a little longer"

"So they brought you back," said Xander.

I nodded and looked at him, "Where's demon girl?" I asked suddenly.

Xander looked away and I knew what happened, "Oh..."

"I'm gonna go get some sleep," said Xander walking away in the direction Angel had gone, Willow followed him dragged Dawn behind her.

Giles followed without a word.

I looked into Buffy's eyes, "I missed you luv"

She looked away, I could see a tear trailing down her cheek, "I missed you too" she whispered.

"Really?" I asked turning her head, so we made eye-contact once again.

She nodded, "All this time I thought you were gone"

"I was for a while...but now I'm back"

"I'm glad"

I pulled her into a hug and she thankfully didn't pull away, I smiled as I closed my eyes and let the tears fall, I finally felt like I belonged.

"Will you come with us? Help us find the other slayers?"

I looked at her and smiled, "I would, but I don't know what Nancy Boy would say with him being my boss now and all"

She looked at me with that look in her eyes and I knew she had mourned for me, every day, every hour, every minute and every second, like I had done for her.

"I love you Buffy"

"I love you too"

"I know"

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My eyes opened, I was still on the rooftop, tears still fell from my eyes.

My fantasy...my wish.

"Spike"

I turned to see Angel behind me.

"Come back inside, I need help researching a demon that just hit town"

I nodded, "I'll be right in"

I watched him walk back into the building.

"Poof" I muttered wiping my face.

I turned and looked back over the city, still hearing her voice in my head, still hearing her laugh, knowing one day my dream may come true.

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The End

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